I wish I could be happier in my situation...but as much as people tell you that happiness is a state of mind that you have control over, it really isn't sometimes. I can fake it...even have moments of it...but it's not the real thing. And I feel bad 'cause I should be optimistic and happy. I have that problem though where I'm like "I'll be happy when fill in the blank..." and those moments never come. Right now I'm stuck on the option where "I'll be happy when....this semester is over/the summer starts/I can move out of this ward and apartment..."
ugh I'm being whiny. Sorry all...the past couple weeks haven't been my favorite though. I am looking forward to the future....and it's nice to throw myself into getting ready for it. For example, I have the GRE to sign up for and take. I have to apply to grad school. I have to work hard on my grades the next few semesters so I can actually get into grad school. I have to figure out what I'm doing with my life so I have direction in grad school. And even though I'd rather ignore this, as Elder Ballard told us in Stake Conference on Sunday, I need to get back out there and working towards an eternal family. (I know I know....I'm only 22. BYU's dating standard is crazy. But hey, it sucks to be alone. I'd rather have a family.)
Oh and side note...I've been looking into grad schools...and there's the Hebrew University in Jerusalem! The masters program is only two years and Immanuel Tov, the director, is a colleague of Dr. Parry, who I'm going to start working for soon. So yay for connections! It's not the only one that I'm going to be applying for...but it'd be great. Oh! And it's definitely a lot cheaper than anywhere else.
Oh another side note attached to that...Dr. Parry hired me! My only problem is that I'm not sure when I should start. The original plan was to put in my two weeks at Taco Bell after we had our audit. But we had it. And I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure if I should start ASAP or wait for the spring term.
Ugh there are too many decisions to make right now...I just wish I didn't feel so lost about all of the above.
Amanda, I just want you to know I'm here for you! Not to BS or anything, but to really be your friend and listen if you need me to. :) You'd do the same for me ^_^ You're great. You really are.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteYou know, sometimes I think we are all too hard on ourselves. Life is made up of good and bad--we need both to grow and develop. It's okay you are looking forward. It's okay you are a bit dissatisfied and even a bit unhappy with things right now. As long as we continue to ultimately trust that our lives are in the Lord's hands and trust Him, then we are okay. I LOVE you Amanda. SO MUCH!!!! I think you are amazing. I am excited to see where you go though I am not sure how I feel about Hebrew Univ.-for my own selfish reasons of course. I would be excited for you though. I do know that if it is right, the way will be open for you and the Lord will take care of you. Again, I LOVE you. I will pray for you. You know where I am if you need me.
And you are so NOT whiny!!!
ReplyDelete