Summer Life

Almost a month home, and counting. It's just barely starting to feel like I need to get things going at home and am not here for just a vacation anymore. It's felt like the first month zipped past me. The first week: I had my wisdom teeth out, so I wasn't aware of anything around me :) Drugs are great :) and I'd never thought I'd ever say this, but a person CAN get tired of mashed potatoes and pudding! Now, it only hurts when I smile, stretch my mouth weird, yawn, accidentally hit my gums with hard food or my tooth brush, blow my nose, try to rub my lips together after putting lip gloss on, lifting really heavy stuff, have my head upside down for more than a few seconds....etc. so hardly never, of course ;)

anywho, then the second week went by really fast because Mom had her surgery in Rexburg and then I spent the week taking care of her. (for updates, she's doing tons better than she used to. She can tell that she's healing but still doesn't like the pain. Most of her pain is from the blisters that came from an allergic reaction from something the doctors put on her after the surgery. Today she had an appointment in Rexburg again, and they totally cut open/off the blisters to get out all of the infection and dead skin, so she's in a little bit more pain again. Other than that she's doing great and hating not being able to help out.)

Once the third week home hit, the rest of the summer hovered over me like a depressing dark cloud. I wasn't just home for a fun visit anymore, I'm stuck! :) I'll admit, I had a hard time keeping up with my goals from the last post and mom and I had a few tiffs 'cause we're both trying to adjust to me being home again. Thankfully, Jennie has been calling tons and been a great support system for every stressful situation.

So, my problem right now is trying not to get into a rut of reverting back to the "old me," as I refer to it. It doesn't help that everyone else here treats me like I have no idea what I'm talking about. But the past week, I've been in a slump. For all of you that knows about the old Garin situation and history, that's been causing some stress. He goes from acting like my best friend one day/moment, to totally estranging the next. I did talk to him about it, and he finally admitted that he was being an idiot....k those weren't his exact words, but it fits :) So by the way he acted, it seemed like we'd have awhile to work on how to be friends again, which is great. and then! I get this stupid text message (ya, he didn't even call, it was a text!) about how he's leaving on his mission the 2nd of June to Salt Lake, and he's known about it for a month! He told everyone about his mission farewell 5 days before it was supposed to take place! It gets better! It's the same weekend that Mom, Dad, and I were supposed to go up to Washington so Dad could take Thomas to the Father/Son outing thing. I really wanted to go to the farewell, but I really wanted to see Annie. I've had to make some pretty darn hard decisions this past year, and things were finally starting to settle down, but then this hits me! I finally decided to go to the farewell. And the weekend wasn't amazing, but I did get to see some friends. And Garin did a great job on his farewell talk, but he didn't speak one word to me the whole day, even when he sat right next to me for a lot of it. Grr! At this point, I'm glad that he's leaving so soon so that I don't have to be stressed out about him anymore, because I shouldn't let anything about him stress me out anymore, and I need to move on! am i right!? haha, break-through moment there :) anywho, point of that whole spcheel, other than to inform of current events, is to point out that this is a big step for me in taking charge of my life and growing up. Garin was a huge part of me life when I dated him, and yes, it was a silly highschool sweetheart, and after 2 years, you don't just forget that overnight. wow, corny. But for the past 7 or so months, I've been struggling to just let him go, and right now, I finally feel like it's ok for me to.

Now...it's summer, and nothing I had planned for has gone like I thought it would. I thought I'd have a job, and after a few interviews, nothings come about. Out of tons of applications, those two interviews that have gotten back to me. Everywhere says that they're hiring, but it doesn't work out. Mom and Dad can't pay for me in college. I'm going off of a little under a year of savings right now and that's not even enough to pay for a few months rent, let alone tuition, insurance, rent, books, food, or anything else I might need. Everyday after coming home from turning in more job applications, Mom constantly reminds me that if I don't find a job, then I'm going to be stuck at home, going to CSI. For one, heavens no is that ever going to happen, whether I can afford BYU or not :P But they have nothing near my major. I mean, little CSI isn't going to have classes in Biblical Hebrew, Isaiah, history of the Ancient Near East, etc. I'm so afraid that I'm going to end up going back to Provo in the fall, going through the struggle of finding a job off campus 'cause I can't afford to be a student, and stalling my schooling for another year. I don't qualify for any scholarships I've found. Stress stress stress. Gotta' love it, right?

Basically, right now I'm really enjoying Tim & Ashley's family being here. It's great to spend time with Ashley and get to know her and the kids more. All of the children are adorable and very sweet. Little Hyrum is a personal joy. I can usually get a great big grin or giggles from him, and I've dubbed him "Pug" because he's congested right now and sounds just like a pug when he breaths. Since Mom is out of commission for the next few months, I've sort of taken over the home with the cleaning and cooking. Now that it's not demanded of me every second of the day, I don't mind doing it. I've never really liked being pushed into anything.

Really quick update on my goals: I've got the prayers down, that was a habit I've formed a in the past year. I'm still trying to get the scripture study going. I really need to do it in the morning when I wake up instead of trying to do it when I go to bed 'cause by the time I make it to bed, I'm way too out of it and all of my brain power goes into making sure I have a sincere prayer instead of just saying whatever redundant words pops into my head at that particular second. I've been able to find a little trick that I can do in order to keep happy with Mom, it's just keeping it up that's a little tough at times. And I already have it set up with Joanna Seamons to go to the college ward with her next Sunday. that's all I've worked on so far :S

Sorry this was way long, I needed to vent. Lately I've been doing a lot of venting to my friends, and they don't really know me so I usually come out of the conversation down on myself or more upset than going in. And who better to vent everything to, than my siblings :) Love ya all! Thanks for everything that you've done for me.